“I broke my rules for you, Ellen!” Freddie came in a dramatic fashion. I could always count on his theatre background to steal the show. “My one rule was to not fall in love and now here you are going on a date with him when what we had was so special.”

My narcissistic date who went on and on about Pokemon for the last half hour side eyed me.

I smiled so as not to break into laughter. Guess who doesn’t have any theatre background between the two of us? “I thought we broke up… Hank. If you still felt the same, I would have never came here.”

Freddie then grabbed my hand and as dramatic of a fashion he came, we came out of the restaurant together. Once we were 10 blocks away we broke into laughter in front of a closed pizza shop.

“Hank? Really? Do I look like I have receding hair line?” Freddie shook his full head of curly hair in front of me.

“I watched Forrest Gump last night okay? I tend to run out of names for these. Thanks for another escape. The guy would not let me go.” I remembered the way he waited in front of the ladies bathroom just as I was planning to escape. He said he wanted to be a gentleman and escort me back. I think he just wanted to be in the company of a woman for longer than 10 minutes.

It was getting scarily impossible to escape with the guy constantly telling me I should see his figurine collection at his place. Not in this life buddy. He probably didnt know my name with the way he went on and on about himself.

Had to call in Freddie to come and pick me up.

We have a pact that we would save each other from bad dates no matter what and it would be the saver’s choice as to how to do it. Freddie always has to do it in a grand fashion. Meanwhile I’d come in with a fake baby bump and pretend its his.

Some would say it would be better if we just were honest with our dates and say its not going well then leave but where’s the fun in that?

Hurting people’s feelings no matter how bad things have got isn’t in our maturity capacity. Its better to give them a wild story to talk about in their next date so they’d be more interesting. Plus the restaurant workers gives us freebies for the show we put on, making it the highlight of their shift.

“I broke my rules for you.” I imitated Fred. “Whatever happened to ‘I still love you be with me not him’.”

“I’m too gay to say that anymore, Ellen. I only love you as a friend and possible surrogate.” Freddie poked my stomach.

“Well then you better find a co parent quick, shop’s closing.” Nearing your 30s should be scary but I embrace it as I age out of assholes who want someone young and easy.

“Ugh, why is it so hard to find a decent guy!” Freddie massaged his temples. “One more invitation to an open relationship and I’m back in the closet.”

“One more guy who happens to have a wife chatting me in Insta, I’m going to be legally allergic to marriage.”

We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

What a sad doomed pair of singles we make. At least we are single together.