Nothing is how it used to be

And I feel empty

Yet on the brink of explosion

I rest

Every bone in my body

Screams for mercy

Asking for just one day

Of sitting in the eye

The storm closes in

And there is a very thin barrier

Holding me

From toppling into insanity

As the warm water courses over my legs

I feel the ease of dread

For it also eases the pain for a minute

Before it all comes crashing back

I miss the days where I was normal

Where I could run and play

Without a worry in my mind

Or my face hitting the dirt

But its different now

Somehow

its changed and it keeps changing

And I don’t think I like it

I push and push and push

But the barrier will soon break

If I don’t take a step back

And accept I am not ok

I don’t want to call it giving up

Because it an admission

That I need help

And am greiving my old self

It won’t get better

And my body screams and screams

And yet people still don’t all believe me

And It causes immense misery

But it could be worse

I must say

I hope that everyone else is ok