“And now for my next act, ladies and gentlemen…

A permanent finale to close the show.”

I’ve spent hours listening to your heart beat.

Your words morphed into my mind.

Painting a picture that together we would be happy and content.

And maybe we would have,

If I didn’t have the need to self-destruct.

To implode, so your life will explode,

Piercing you with shrapnel.

But I will be gone before you even start to bleed.

My grand finale is always a disappearing act.

I messed up, letting down my guard with you.

But it felt so damn perfect.

And with a little hope - and a bit of deception - we could have had a picturesque life.

But I’ve always terrorized artwork - never saw the point in making something beautiful when we’re all damned.

I know I left you wounded and wondering, 

with holes in your heart.

But I know you are capable.

Of one day soon letting someone patch and mend your heart,

So it will be taken care of in a way that I would never know how.

Which is why I had to leave.

I think my heart disintegrated long ago,

Or maybe it never formed correctly.

Anatomically, I know it’s working - pumping my blood.

But emotionally, it’s flat lined

And the nights I laid on your chest, listening to your heart beat, I should have run then.

But your heart beat had this rhythm that made me want to keep on dancing, wanting more with you.

I won’t allow myself happiness though, 

And I’ve never been one for goodbyes.

So don’t look for me when the smoke clears.

But I hope you smile when you hear ticking.

Reminded that i was once your time bomb 

Who finally exploded into the unknown.

You always did know how to make me go TICK - TICK - BOOM!

_I miss and wish you well._