The Whispering Woods

Thriller

Horror

The forest felt cool, shadows curling around me as I walked alone. A child’s whisper slithered through trees, soft, but calling my name. I followed the calling voice, leaves crunching under my feet, until it stopped, as I reached a twisted, ancient tree. My heart pounded. Why has I been led here?

I sat on a rotting box, thoughts booming in my skull, fear rising like a tide. The silence pressed closer, when I turned to investigate, and when I turned back and then back around—

“AHHHHHHHH!”

A crusty skeleton loomed over me, bony fingers stretched, a white old cloak dripping into red mist. The whisper didn’t call me for help. It lured me to my doom.

Comments 4

Alex Chase

23 days ago

Hello 👋

First of all, I’m really intrigued by your description. The "Shadows curling around me." "Child’s whisper slithered through the trees." bit?

It’s perfect.

For feedback, I think a few more minor tweaks could do.

1) Show not Tell.

I know, this sucks. A shirt trick I learned was to lean into sensory description. For example, your opening sentence.

ORIGINAL:

"The forest felt cool, shadows curling around me as I walked alone."

EDIT:

"Icy coldness pricked my skin, shadows curling around me as I trudged through the woods alone."

2. Leaning into Onomatopoeia

We can use certain adjectives to elevate our writing, for example:

ORIGINAL :

"…leaves squishing against my feet."

"Leaves crushing against my feet."

Squish. Crush.

Crush gives more of the sharp sound. I Hope you get the idea.

3. Heighten Suspense.

You can drag and create suspense Right before the skeleton reveal scene.

Perhaps a short rustle on the leaves? A whisper? Then:

"My insides twisted at the [sound].

I slowly turned, my heart slamming against my ribs.

Darkness.

I squinted my eyes, scanning through the trees. A part of me hoped my fears weren’t true.

My ears strained to pick up any noises.

Silence.

I exhaled, letting my uneasiness I hadn’t realized had crept up my spine loosen. My shoulders relaxed and turned around."

Then, the element of Horror. (The above text is just a quick write up to give an example. It ain’t perfect. Apologies. ✋🤚)

That’s all on my part. Hope this is helpful.

Looking forward for your future works!

Ilsa Winter

23 days ago

Love the thriller!!

Courtney

I’m 12 years old, and I just have fun writing. Feel free to give feedback, just not anything hurtful. I’m looking to improve my writing in any way. Thank you!

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