“The butler did it!” I declared to stunned silence.

“What are you talking about?” Asked Lady Violet. “What did he do?”

My hands are planted somewhat triumphantly on my hips. “He has committed a crime here tonight, ladies and gentlemen-“

“The soup wasn’t that bad,” snorts Sir Jade. “A little watery but otherwise edible.”

“No, no, the horrible crime that we are gathered here to solve! Remember?” I drop my hands in frustration. “The body is still upstairs -“

“What body?” Mr. Orange asks. “Is this part of your new book? It’s very confusing.”

“Yes,” adds Lady Violet. “I much prefer his first book with the sea captain having-“

“Spoilers!” Shouts the butler suddenly. “I haven’t got to that one yet.”

Pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers, I take a breath. “There is no book, I am a police officer. I was called here because someone suspected -“

“You are Garren Bright, yes? You wrote ‘the salty shore’?” Sir jade asks suddenly. “We invited the author to read us some of his new book.”

I then notice the book on the table.

“That says it written by Sandra Wignam…” I point to ‘the salty shore’ before picking it up and flipping it over.

I feel my temper rise as I scan the back. “The detective in the book has the same name as me.”

“Ooh, is he getting into character?” Lady Violet asks Mr. Orange, who shrugs.

“No, listen, I am a real police officer.” I show them my badge. “I got a call about a body.”

“That’s what the new book is called! ‘About a body’.” Mr orange says. “So you didn’t write it?”

“No!” I almost scream. “Look, there is a very real body upstairs. I examined the evidence and I believe that the butler did it.”

“Was it the last door on the left?”

“…yes?”

“That is Miss Pruce, the owner of the house. She sleeps so soundly that it takes some effort to wake her. She isn’t dead.” The butler smiles.

“What? She was on the floor!”

“Bad back.” Comes a wheezy voice from behind me.

I turn around and stumble slightly, mouth dry. It’s the body!

“But - your eyes were open!”

“It is a side effect from my medication. You are not Mrs Wignam.”

“No, I’m mr. Bright. A police officer.”

“Hmpf. Very well. Better than nothing. We shall forget this ever happened, sir, if you would kindly - “ She eases herself onto a chair. “ - Tell us some stories about your work. Make it grizzly, if you please.”

I blink and stare at the five people who stare right back.

“Okay, I guess. Let me think … ah!” My breath is suddenly stolen as something hits me over the head.

I crash onto the table, world suddenly wavering, I turn to see the butler holds a copy of ‘the salty shore’ in two hands. He breathes hard.

“Huh. I guess he was right. The butler did it…” I hear someone whisper as my eyes roll back into my head.