The roses needed trimming.

It felt weird to know that. She learned the term “deadheading” on the internet and still felt like an imposter doing it with pretend deliberation. It was surreal that she owned a house in Arnold County.

It wasn’t an easy ride. She started as a lone foreigner, an “alien “ as they termed her. She looked and sounded different constantly. It took years (fifteen to be exact) of careful observation, toning down, toning up and polite choices to get her here. Along the way, she lost some parts of herself, found new found colors and walked around with holes and new skills alike, draped in fine wear.

Then, she met him. An old love; someone who reminded her that butterflies still exist. While she was toiling away, second- guessing herself alone in a strange, sometimes joyful, sometimes unkind land; he languished in his familiar town slowly giving up on his dreams.

She bumped into him on accident. A night she almost didn’t go out; a night he almost chose to head somewhere else.

It happened because she spotted some friends and went to say hi. She sat with them for a bit and went back to her group of friends. He walked in and took the now empty spot. She made her way back for a brief second and saw a familiar set of eyes looking back at her. Eyes she hadn’t seen for over two decades yet ones she could never forget.

All it took was that one second.

Their conversations went from night-long texts chains to 5-hour phone conversations. So much happened in the years they were strangers. Bad break-ups, career ups and downs; lonely marriages. Their paths intersected several times over the years; he worked by her house; they moved to the same country; they met the same friend in New York City. At two lonely moments, they even looked each other up out of curiosity but they never met. Not until that night, twenty years later.

He was heavier than he used to be, with eyes looking tired for his age. She lost her magical belief in love and couldn’t shake her weariness. Yet, when they looked at each other that night, all they saw were their younger selves; the young boy with a shy smile who picked her up from college and took her for coffee. The young girl who doodled his name in her journals and waited patiently for his calls. Life had changed them both but in that moment, they were innocent and free again.

They didn’t see each other for 25 years. Now, here they were. A few weeks before she headed back to the country she now lived in; time zones away from his home, her old hometown. And somehow they were drawn to each other like moths to the flame.

She looked at him and saw a family in his eyes. She felt protected and safe in his arms. He saw her and wondered if this was the woman he was always supposed to be with. They let go of each other a long time ago when they were young and immature. And now; things were more complicated. She made a name for herself in a different continent. He succumbed to heartbreak.

She looked at him with yearning. He was the same yet different. Something in him lashed out against healing. He was ashamed of where he let himself go and found the dark spaces of pushing through the discomfort overwhelming. He got used to living in his family house, exercising his brain with political theories, technology trends, and small social circles. Days passed without him noticing. She stirred in him a longing and a despair, both of which he didn’t know how to handle. He dreamed big; he wanted to be able to pamper his family; he wanted to be able to make them proud. He wanted to take her on fancy dates but he hadn’t earned money in a decade. And now, he didn’t know how to get started. He talked to friends with businesses and gently suggested that they think of him for jobs outside the country. But the world was different now; a lot more competitive ; a lot more cutthroat. People ran from task to task giving opportunities to passionate people , to people whose resumes proved they’d be willing to put their blood, sweat and tears in pushing founder’s agendas through. Resumes that didn’t have a decade of emptiness.

She urged him to keep trying. Learn skills, do courses, anything to show people he was still worth it. Someone out there wanted someone like him; he had to keep at it. It wasn’t going to be easy but nothing would happen if he didn’t try. He nodded along with blank stares. She didn’t get it; she didn’t see that he was cursed.

Back in her distant home, she fought her nerves to fall asleep every night. She found his complacency hard to observe and she desperately tried understand his choices every day. She knew the odds were stacked against him but she hoped his competitive side would emerge; maybe it would take one more motivational message from her. Maybe he would finally see that the only way they’d be together is if he stepped out of his comfort zone. Or maybe, she’d give it all up to go back home…just maybe.