Alma, Clara, Josephine, Sierra and I sit in a semicircle around the appaloosa, trying desperately to save her or at least her baby. 

I sit there, feeling helpless and catch Sierra looking the same way. Her face looks distant, but she gives me a nod symbolizing something like respect. But for what? I haven’t done anything. 

I heard Clara give a shuddering sigh and my head snaps back to the horse. 

Alma’s holding a fluffy newborn horse  and Clara is cradling Sunset’s head, cries echoing in the dark space. 

“Is the baby dead too?” Sierra sounds hollow, and i realize she was trying not to cry. 

Alma shakes his head. “The filly survived. I’ll stay in here, all of you should go to sleep to keep your focus on something else.”

If I could get any more pale, i would have been a ghost. I frowned at the metaphor. _But there _is _a ghost in here already._

__

I finally stood, realizing Sierra and Clara had already left the barn. I stood up quickly and ran out before I had to do any more awkward small talk. 

I saunter over to Sierra, who was sitting on a bench by the giant windmill, watching two boys take turns throwing rocks at the windmill. 

I sit down next to her and she’s smiling at the children. “Promise an oreo to the winner and they’ll stay occupied for an hour or more.” 

I smile tentatively, then cleared my throat, “I am so _sorry_ about Sunset.”

“What do you mean?” She eyed me seriously. “You’re the reason that foal is alive, Haven. What is there to apologize for.”

I shiver. “I should have run out immediately to find someone who could help, but instead i almost passed out from the—“ I swallowed, my next word a whisper. “blood.”

“Are you kidding me? You saved a newborns life, theirs no reason for guilt.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have Sunset?!”

She lets out a long sigh. “It was Sun’s time. Honestly, it's not your fault. Besides, she’ll live on in your horse.” She bumped my shoulder and my eyes widened.

“It's not mine!”

“Well, it's yours.” Sierra grinned. “I saw, the filly looked at you first.” 

My eyes widen, but I shake my head. “I’m too tired to argue with you right now.”

Her eyes glide across me, from the bottom up. “Why did you really move here?”

I jolt at the sudden accusation, shocked into silence. “I told you that.” 

“Sure.” She bumps my shoulder. “But I don’t think it’s the full truth.”

I let out an exasperated sigh. “It’s complicated.”

Sierra tilts her head at me. “Oh, now I have to know.”

I snort. “Nosy much?”

She stood and turned to me, offering a hand. “No, just bored out of my mind and starved of actual gossip. Now tell me!”

I refuse her hand, shuddering as I make out the words, “My boyfriend was Ray Lewis.”

Her eyes widen at that. “The millionaire influencer?”

I nod, but wrap my arms around myself from the chill. Not from the approaching Arizona night, but from actually saying it. At the same time, speaking those words felt freeing.

“He proposed.” I blurt. “And I— I just—“

“Weren’t ready?” 

I pause. “I— Oh my god, I’ll sound selfish.”

Her face looked soft, some emotional barrier under the surface of her shell let down. “Tell me anyway.”

“Everything was the same with him, you know? We did the same thing every day. And we never talked about _ourselves_ to each other. Or families.” I go silent at that, my jaw going tense. “But I bet you know all about that, from Clara.”

Sierra frowns at that. “Clara and I don’t talk like that. She always seemed…”

She paused as if she didn’t want to talk bad about her to me. “Insult her all you want. Actually please do, I need someone on my side.” 

I meant it as a joke but she stopped walking at that. And so did I. “Everyone on this ranch wants to be on your side, Haven.”

“Its great you think that.” I laugh dryly. “But Clara and Josephine would say otherwise.” 

And before I can stop myself i mumble, “Weston doesn’t care for me much either.”

“Sure, Clara isn’t herself right now, but shes trying to be strong after the funerals Ha—“

“What funerals?” I squint at her in the dim light from the moon. 

“What do you mean?” She tucks a stray curl of ebony black behind her ear, staring at my blank expression. “I thought thats why you were angry at her— for being so broken after them, and not holding the ranch together.”

“I only know about one funeral that took place almost 24 years ago, and she didn’t even go to that one.” I shrug, hiding my pain of the memory almost perfectly.

“Her husband died last year Haven.” 

“Why wouldn’t she tell me that?” My voice went so quiet she leaned into hear me. “I told her when…”

_Stop!_ My brain fires at me. _Pretty is dangerous. Kind is fake. _My heart shatters a little as i think that and realized somewhere deep inside me, I believed it. Sierra _was _pretty. Hair as dark as coal, perfect skin without makeup, perfect height, perfect body. And there was a kind of natural beauty about her that Demsi never felt. She always felt like she was putting on a show. Then again, so am I. If my guard wasn’t built up so high, I would have already broken down into Sierra’s arms right now, sobbing to her, asking why nothing can stay perfect. The same. Safe.

“When what?” She prompts, pulling from my inner turmoil. 

“God sorry, it doesn’t matter. The main point is she didn’t tell me. I can’t _believe _that!!” I recover cleanly. And it wasn’t fully a lie. My uncle wanted me to come to the farm. He was ready to raise a heartbroken daughter and give me the life i wanted. And he probably died knowing I was dating a millionaire. But the key word is was there.

“Im_ _sorry you had to find out this way Haven.” She gives me the same pity face ive seen way to much lately, taking my silence for grieving my uncle.

“Oh I couldn’t care less.” At her stunned expression, i clear my throat. “I— I mean I never really knew Scott so nothings particularly sad about his passing to me.”

I feel my walls breaking. This was more than I’d even said to Ray, in all our 3 years together. And i was about to share it all to a woman id met 5 days ago. I knew it was wrong. I felt that it was wrong. I couldn’t possibly—

“I just told her immediately when my mom died, and its been a year and she hasn’t told me about him!?” I scoff. _Theres yet another reason to hate her. _

__

“But why?” She counters, and I realized I said that last part aloud. “What did she do that was so bad?”

“She—“

“Mamí?” The smaller of Sierra’s two kids had ran up to us, tugging on hem of her red tee. “How’s food looking?”

Her face turned from him to me. “Sorry, Haven, can we continue this later? My kids—“ 

I don’t even let her finish. “Don’t worry about that. It doesn’t even matter, get your boys home.”

“Haven…”

“I don’t want to burden you, just—“

She shakes her head, picking the child up. “You’re not burdening me if I _want _to know. Let me at least get your number.”

I sigh deeply, but end up pulling my phone out as she hammers her number into it. “You don’t have to text me. Just know you _can._”

I nod. “Sure.”

“I’ll see you around Haven.” And with that, she walks off to her car with her kids.

_Just like that._ She sounded like she actually _cares_. About what happened to me. About my opinion on Clara. About _me. _It felt like I might cry. 

Even after all thats happened, I did something real that I hadn’t done in weeks. I smiled.

-blank.page

once again, hit word limit last chapter! I will try to get another chapter out soon, but school stuff might get in the way! thank you so much for reading! ❤️