All this time I thought he was the villain, but as I watched the blood drip from my fingertips, I realised it was all a matter of perspective and that great word IF.

So if the Mixie the cat hadn’t killed a mouse and left it in my shoe I wouldn’t have screamed when getting dressed.

If I hadn’t screamed then I guess my darling husband Malcolm wouldn’t have started shouting at me all angry like.

If Malcom wouldn’t have had his tantrum the neighbours wouldn’t have barged into the house.

If the nieghbours hadn’t broken into the house when they did they wouldn’t have seen the mountain of cash from last night’s bank job.

I like to think Malcolm is the crook, the villain of the piece really.

But if the neighbours hadn’t seen all that lovely money I wouldn’t have had to kill them.

Strange how these things happen but Mixie is in a lot of trouble right now.