“Oh, hello.”

“Ack!” With a yelp, the small raccoon jumped around and aimed a metallic canyon the size of his own scruffy body at the speaker, baring his teeth. “Stay where you are and put your paws where I can see ‘em!” he snarled.

A young human girl with waist-length blond hair just stared back with dreamy blue eyes, widening slightly with an owlish look to her surprise. Even as she slowly raised her hands, her head tilted curiously down at the raccoon. “I’m very sorry to scare you. I just never met a talking raccoon before…”

“WHAT D’YOU SAY, YOU DEWY-EYED BROAD?!” roared the little creature, gray and black fur bristling angrily from his shaggy whiskers to his fluffy tail as he raised his ray gun higher. “You asking to get a hole in your face?! How many times do I gotta tell all these freaking chumps in the galaxy that I’m not a raccoon?! And what’s with the accent; it ain’t like Quill’s. This Miz Zuri?”

“…No. I’m Luna, sir. Luna Lovegood.”

“What? No! That’s not…” The raccoon growled loudly, but lowered his giant gun in exasperation. “I mean, am. I. In. The. State. Of. Miz-Zur-I? In some landmass on the planet called America?”

“Oh!” Recognition sparked in Luna’s eyes, her hands lowering as a small smile lit her face…and then shook her head. “Oh, no, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong country, sir. You see, this is Scotland. You and I are standing in the Forbidden Forest, just outside of Hogwarts.”

“Hog-warts?” The raccoon snorted and barked out a laugh. “What, did some boar get hit with some massive affliction?” A puff of air blew over his ears, and the raccoon yelped again, raising his gun at the tall, black horse-like creature standing above him, blinking its ghoulish white eyes. “What the—?! Is that thing dead, or is that just me?”

“Don’t be afraid. They’re called thestrals,” Luna explained as the creature continued to sniff the raccoon, who kept trying to push its nose away with his gun. “They can only be seen by those who have seen death.”

“Oh…well, that makes perfect sense,” the raccoon said dryly, still eyeballing the thestral skeptically. “Story of my freaking life. Whatever. Any of you long-legs see a groot around here?”

“A groot?” Luna sounded fascinated.

“Yeah. Tall guy, ten to twelve feet, long limbs, made of wood? Limited vocabulary? Looks a lot like these plants you call trees. He can’t be far if we both landed here.”

“Perhaps I can help. Your friend sounds rather intriguing, like a tree full of nargles! I would love to meet him.”

The raccoon sized her up, then shrugged and put his body-sized gun away in his holster. “Yeah? You look like the kind of gal he’d like to meet, too. Whatever. The name’s Rocket, and there ain’t no thing like me, except me!”

There was a creak nearby, causing both Luna and Rocket to jump around. Beyond the group of thestrals, one of the trees seemed to be moving toward them. Shorter than the others with a darker shade of brown, swinging long legs and arms as it walked, the walking tree smiled as it spoke, “I am Groot!”

“Groot! There you are! I was just about to look for ya! Bad news, pal. We landed on the wrong side of the planet!”

“I am Groot.”

“I don’t know where the ship is! I thought you did!”

“I am Groot!”

“How the hell is it my fault?” Snapped Rocket. “You were the one stirring the thing! That’s the last time I’m giving you driver’s ed during a fight!”

“I am Groot?”

“Oh yeah.” Rocket waved his hand back and forth between them. “Groot, Luna. Luna, Groot. Good! Now everyone knows their name!”

The tree named Groot approached the staring Luna, who looked more in wonder than afraid. He knelt down at her level and slowly extended his five-fingered limb. A tiny, yellow flower sprouted from his finger. He plucked it and offered it to the smiling girl. “I am Groot.”

Luna graciously accepted the flower with a content smile. “It’s very wonderful to meet you, Mr. Groot. My name is Luna. You definitely look like you’re filled with countless nargles.”

“I am Groot.”