Out in the meadow surrounded by forests, the moon is our calendar. It’s a crescent tonight, marking the beginning of a new month. I don’t do much work at night, although my fear of all the creatures that live with us here, has faded. I can’t see them at this hour but I can hear them. The white noise of the unknown. Today I subvert my longstanding routine and stay up, peering at the sky. First, because I need to know how long Wes and Reen have been gone. Second, because it’s just beautiful and I haven’t gazed in awe at all the night stars, thinking about nothing and a bit of everything in a long time.

That in of itself is an irony hard to take, because I was the one who was determined to not leave our home. Even when the power grids began to fail, even when Wes nearly lost it and told me he was going to leave without us, even when Reen begged me, "Let’s go before they come" we stayed in Winfield. Because even when the light went out, my world was still there. That all ended when the ravagers came as Reen had said, they overran the area and that finally broke my resolve. With whoever remained and whatever we could take in time we fled. And guilt allowed me to never looked back, until now. Sure, we longed for the past almost everyday but with no hope for it returning back to the way it was, that’s all it was- melancholy longing. Grief.

Then Reen got bit, by a tick of all creatures. The rash was the tell, until the fever and pain progressed. The market didn't have anything as cutting edge as antibiotics so we'd have to take Reen far out of rural plains. We couldn't all go though, someone had to stay and keep trade with the market place and wait in case Colin came back from his trip. I doubt the latter, he's been gone for two and a half months, traveling with a group in the hopes to get the power grids running again. His nifty skills were now in demand and it helped him to stay distracted. That is what Wes had argued at least, in truth they didn't ask me to come, perhaps assuming I wouldn't want to. I’m the only one who hasn't left beyond the plains ever since we settled here.

Every day I keep to my duties and force my nerves down, to keep my body grounded. To not go insane. Even though there are other groups around, in this clearing it's just Colin, Reen, Wes and I. Besides when we need to, we mostly stick amongst our groups. I mainly see other people at the market or whenever there's news from the outside.

When we first settled here we use to count the days to know how long it's been. Except, we'd forget and miss a day or a few. We learnt to look at the moon to see if we're on track. It's been two weeks in their absence, it was a full moon when they left and it’s been waning into the thin crescent it is now. I don't think I can wait any longer. I’m beginning to think that loneliness is more lethal than anyone I'll meet outside, on the way to them.

With a new resolve I turn back and push through the sheer white curtains flowing down the pavilion, past the wooden table where we sit and eat and into our tent. After picking essentials out of our baskets and with the items I already took from our work stations, I lay them out on my desk that resides on my part of the tent. Maps, fruit, dried herbs, compass...check, check. I make sure I have everything ready to head off early in the morning. I should write a letter for Colin. Just in case he's back before us. I meticulously place everything into the many compartments of my travel bag and set it aside. Pulling out a piece of paper and pen, I sit down to write.

_Dear Collin, _

_We're so glad you're back and we can't wait to hear the headway. _

_But if you're reading this, Wes, Reen and I have gone to get Reen seen by someone for Lyme disease. Don't worry she'll be fine, we know the right place. We left from the main boundary and we'll be back soon so stay patient._

_Also, I made some boysenberry juice its in the root cellar. Treat yourself. _

_Lydia _