From what I hear, everyone thinks owls are so freakin smart. Well, if that's true, why did I just try to unlock my burrowing hole with my work ID? Either everyone is wrong, or I'm the only dummy in this entire forest.

I'm a Regional Perch Allocation Analyst at Nestworks Solutions Firm. Basically I audit perch availability across regional forest branches and use the data to create the nest-to-branch efficiency reports. If that sounded a little boring to you, don't worry, it's because it is.

I haven't been sleeping. I think it's been a couple weeks, it's hard to tell after a while. After the first few sleepless days, every night starts to blend into the next. This midnight I accidentally poured orange juice into my maggot flakes instead of milk. I'm starting to think something is wrong with the whole thing. Have you ever flicked on all the lights in your burrowing hole before trying to some shut eye? Seems a little backwards, but maybe that's just me. I might have to try sleeping at night like one of those middle-aged divorced owls that only sees his fledgling on the weekends.

I should go out looking for a rat tonight. I've been surviving off maggot flakes and earthworm noodles recently. My feathers are looking a pretty thin. The guys down at the office might think I caught a tapeworm.

I don't really live in the best grove in the forest, but it's cheap so I can't complain too much. Although, the trunk bark isn't the thickest and I can hear almost everything my neighbor Nimbus is doing. He's a nice enough guy, he works down at the Outter Bank. The problem is, every night I can hear him watching the Discover Channel and doing- you know what. I mean Jaysus, at least put on some headphones like the rest of us.