does he love me

does he not

can he at least make it clear

at least decide whether he wants me along

he’ll ask me how i am and respond but just as soon leave

but everytime i think of him lately he appears as if he’s been summoned

i’m confused but don’t feel used

he cares in one way or another

but to be friend or be my lover

i’m still waiting to see

well i’m far too scared to tell him my side

i know it’s stupid, but i’ve never been so open to sharing my feelings

it’s too easy to get hurt

and perhaps i’m the one misunderstanding

and it’s chaos, love is

but is it love? or simply attraction

a crush, crushing me

love or affection

both so sweet but one more decadent

vibrant, passionate

and one so sweet sounding, and so less dangerous

well do i love him

do i not

is it just because he talks to me

he treats me kind but perhaps it’s just friendly

but then again perhaps not

i haven’t loved another in at least 4 years now

though i was far too young to understand “love” anyways, so i doubt that’s what it was

love is, well who knows?

i’ve heard that “love actually is all around” but people love anything these days

they love their family, but they love a cheeseburger too

how can one love a cheeseburger, a slab of meat that disappears in ten minutes never to be seen or thought of again?

that doesn’t even sound as though you like a cheeseburger

people say they love things when they just want things

and so does he want me

or does he love me

or does he not at all

perhaps he wants to stay just friends

which is my fatal flaw

because either way i’ll love him

and it will destroy me or let me soar

but i’m afraid again of letting myself love too much and then losing myself in a spiralling obsession

and my ridiculous obsession with the idea of love

having to reinvent myself silently, because i never told them how i felt, rightfully so if they didn’t want me back

but maybe this time it’s different

until then, it’s the age old question

does he love me?

does he not?