1st June:

Dear diary,

I was on the yard today, two of the heifers who’d breached last year, so we hadn’t let them go with the bull this year, just in case, these two heifers had managed to go through the barbed wire and get cuts all over. We took them up to the riding yard, put them in stables next to the horses, it’s a more sanitary environment. On the way past, I stopped to say hi to Tommy, that’s the horse with the rotting teeth. He didn’t smell as bad today.

3rd June:

Dear diary,

I think I must be getting a bit complacent, I was driving that ancient unbranded heap of shit tractor of Richard’s, and first thing I notice of the engine being on fire is seeing the smoke! I didn’t smell it! Then again, I do have a drinking cold, must just be that.

4th June:

Dear diary,

There might be more to this than a cold, but I hope not. As James agreed to do the morning milking today, I had a little lie in, or at least, a relative lie in by my standards. Jane cooked me breakfast at 7, first I knew of it was her knocking on my door to say grub’s up. It was bacon too. I always wake up as soon as I smell bacon.

9th June:

Richard got me to help him with his new tractor, seeing as he probably hasn’t driven anything made in the last three millennia, he was pretty clueless. It was a 25 plate too, an International. Didn’t have that horrid smell of new tractor though, so that’s good.

12th June:

Dear diary,

I went back on the yard today, to check on the two heifers. They’ve healed up just fine, and I checked on Tommy too, that’s the horse with the bad teeth. They must have got the dentist out because he doesn’t smell at all anymore.

17th June:

Dear diary,

I’m afraid this is one of the days where I rant to you diary. I come in today, it’s 13:30, I’m soaked to the bone because of this damn rain, and Jane is immediately fussing about how bad I smell! I don’t smell at all! In fact, I’ve barely been using deodorant the last few days, because I just haven’t been sweating, and I haven’t even picked up the farm smells. I mean, what was she on about?

23rd June:

Dear diary,

As James covered the morning milking a bit back, I did the afternoon for him today. I discovered quite the problem, none of the heifers smelt, not of anything, neither did the sanitation liquids. It has to be a problem with me, but it should clear up soon.

26th June:

Dear diary,

I decided to go to the doctor today. Or rather, Jane decided I had to go, and Richard and James said they’d look after the farm alright without me. I wasn’t best pleased, but seeing as I still can’t smell shit, literally, I figured I might as well go. Turns out, I am actually sick, who knew?