At the ripe age of 13, you left me alone with our alcoholic father without saying a single word to me—an explanation why you left. I was confused because you loved me dearly, at least that’s what you always told me before tucking me in bed. I cried all day, but I also waited at the door—hoping, maybe you’d come back for me?

A few days after you left, I saw on the television that Highwarden—a citadel where many strong awakeners go to, to learn and improve their ability—they’ve recruited a new awakener. You. My heart dropped and I began to feel this sickening anger rising within my chest. I was confused, sad—you chose power over me. That’s what I thought. That’s what father thought so too. He’d put me down with his words and force me to watch the television anytime you’d have interviews. That was his way of torturing me because he knew too, that it pained me to see you smiling without a worry—not caring whether I was fine.

I wasn’t special like you, that’s what father always told me since the day you left. He said it was because I didn’t have an ability—you had no reason to bring me with you, that I was weighing you down. I was furious by his words, but I knew I couldn’t speak back to him. You always told me that if I never gained powers—I’d still be special, especially to you.

A few months went by and father shot our childhood cat because I spoke back to him, for once. He made me watch, he knew how kind I was—that the cat meant everything to me because it was all I had left of you. That’s when I had enough, and I awakened. When I awaked, I accidentally injured father in the process—severely. He didn’t survive the injury, but I didn’t care. I was too focused on getting an explanation from you.

A few years go by and I realized I was changing. Remember when we were kids and I always wanted to grow up kind, to be like you and maybe, be special too? Upon gaining these powers of mine, I didn’t feel special. All I wanted then, was that explanation, no matter how far I had to go—I wanted you to explain why you left me, alone at that.

That growing desire eventually led me answering for you. Father was right… you were the only special one in our bloodline, I wasn’t. I never would be. It’s why you left without saying a word to me. It’s why these powers of mine continued to hurt people. I didn’t know how to control it and I didn’t want to hurt people. I didn’t mean to and because of that, I was seen as a rogue awakener.

The civilian’s told stories about me… how they saw me as a monster with no heart for killing innocent bystanders. A creature in form of a human? No, I didn’t want that. I just wanted to know why, I just wanted answers. I missed my sister and I wanted to know why I wasn’t special enough for you to stay by.

Another year goes by and I accidentally kill a known awakener—someone that meant everything to you. More than I ever had. I didn’t mean to. When I heard that you were coming from me, I wanted to reach you somehow—explain that it was by accident and I didn’t know how to control these powers of mine. It’s like anytime I use them, they take over my body and mind. When I regain consciousness, everyone around me is either dead or severely injured. Just like that, I began to desire to be normal again because all I ever wanted was to be like you.

I’m sorry—I am. I never meant to take your lovers life and I hope you know, I lived with guilt since. I know by the time you’re reading this, I’ve most likely succumbed to my injuries—the one’s you gave me. I still love you and a part of me still misses you. I hope that… I live to hear your explanation. I never wanted to be the villain—you’re villain…

love, your brother.