He’s looking back at me… disgusted…. Annoyed…. And angry. “How can he live with himself…” “Why is he still here…” “Why can’t he go somewhere and never come back? Go to sleep and never wake up again? Do the world a favor!” I’m sure those are the thoughts of the one staring back at me.

He should know I’ve never asked to be here. I do wish I can disappear and I too wish I would never have to wake up again, just to continue coping with the fact that I am both a failure and disappointment. If I wasn’t here the pain would fade, if I wasn’t here I wouldn’t be able to disappoint others, if I wasn’t here I wouldn’t have to feel this feeling of inadequacy.

He continues to glare at me, like a disappointed father, ashamed of his son. I can’t bare to meet his angry gaze any longer so I look away. I feel it is a sin for me to even be here, I’m sure he agrees. I say to the man, with a dismal tone, still not able to look him in his eyes, “I understand you hate me, and your hate is justified as I am a failure, I am a disappointment, I’ve accomplished nothing and all I’ve done is bring those around me nothing but trouble. My greatest sin is that I’m still here right now.”

“That’s just not true…” a soft, comforting, lovingly sweet spoken voice reassures. “Your no failure, you chase your ambitions, and though you may face setbacks you continue to try… and for that you can never be a disappointment. Though you haven’t accomplished those ambitions just yet, that doesn’t mean they won’t be accomplished in your future. You’re amazing, kind to others, always putting those you love first, always putting smiles on the faces of others…. So to say you bring nothing but trouble to others, to say the world would be better off without you, to say that your doing us a favor by disappearing…. Well that is the saddest thing I can ever hear from my two ears… and that’s because….” The soothing voice pauses.

I feel a gentle, soft pull on my cheeks, directing my gaze. What I see in front of my eyes is a beautiful, gentle looking woman. She then says to me, “When I look at you… I see a handsome kind hearted man who puts other’s first, a man who always knows how to make me laugh, and a man who I would never want to live without. Yes… I see the man I fell in love with.” She assures me with a gentle smile. I feel a surge of emotions, and I can’t fight back the tears as they flow down my cheeks. I continue to silently cry before I look back at the man who was surveying me… his cold, begrudging gaze, was now replaced with a bittersweet smile as he too appears to be beating off tears.