Dix was always there as an extension of me. Always in the background, until I shared something with him that made us smile and rip off our filters. My family understood our relationship, he was my younger brother who was actually older than me. After all, almost everyone in our family had an opposite gender best friend. I had Dix, and he had me. It was as simple as that. We had met in high school, he said the first thing he said to me was by some water fountain, and we shared a nerdy love of a fantasy tv show. He was the guy that would break up the dullness with a clever comment that would make the class stop for a brief session. I was the girl that was always the mediator and who didn't much care about being separate boys, after all, I had lived with five brothers. We drifted together by the chance of us both gaining fake friends and realizing it. He had been forced to stay with them for years and I had just been completely obvious to their hate. So we both had lacked a best friend and we became best friends when I moved schools and talked to him online. He had me, and I had him- it was a simple deal.

When we got into collage, we had both changed. I had got bangs and better friends, he had got into shape and opened up to me about his problems. I learned a great deal about him and that point, I knew about his bizarre hobbies, that he had problems with his family and his image, and that he loved Star Wars. He knew a few things about me but I never wanted him to know too much. It got to the point that he could read me like a book and I thought I could too. I would encourage him and make him fee better about himself and he would do crazy stuff with me- like pretending to be goths one day with black eyeliner or taking turns randomly showing up at each other houses. We had good memories- like the time he was sad and I didn't get the memo and called him while doing a snow angel in the rain. He didn't stay sad after I screamed he should join me. Soon we were so close that I would invite him on my family's vacation, my family saying they were missing a sixth son when getting on the road.

I never knew inviting him to the beach would be such a bad, bad idea. We had finished collage, I had taken up the usual vacation tradition without my family who was by now spread across the country and he had came as per usual. I didn't even need to invite him, he just showed up saying he could 'sense it the time had come again'. We headed down.

. . .

I see he's glancing at me and I smile over my drink, some pinky dinky drink with a umbrella that has monkeys swinging on the weak paper. It was hard not to laugh at him, he had a bad sun burn that made him look like a overly affectionate grandma pinched his face a little to hard. I look down at the pink swirls in my glass, concentrating on them until my internal laughter subsides. He sighs. He read my mind as usual. I try to ease his pain, "C'mon you don't look too much you got pinched my a granny. You look more like a... hrm," I think carefully, it's so hard to think of something now besides a little old grandma yanking his face and dragging him to her oatmeal raisin cookies that he would politely refuse. Op! got it! I perk up towards the waves."... A cockatiel!" I may be an artist. I shifted myself in a position fitted for an artist. I put my hands underneath my back and lean on them. I make sure my hair is flowing in the wind for artistic flare. Oh, wait. I put my head on my shoulder to accommodate my (now sighing)friend, so he can talk to me. I widened my eyes and wait, but he rudely turns away to the ocean quickly. That meanie. I scrunch my face at the ungrateful man and wait penitently. I wait for a bit... Ok awhile, I'm still mad at him. He's too quit so I break the silence, checking up on him. "Wanna swim, Dix?" He doesn't even turn back to me and smile at our pettiness.

"No thanks, I'm fine," he says rushed. He still doesn't turn. I shrug it off and sigh. I look at in the direction he was looking at and slide my eyes over the ripples piling over and flooding the sand. I sense his head turning to look at me. He wants to talk now. I indulge him by saying, "Dix, I'm bored." Whatever he was thinking about I hope he feels better. I call him Dix a lot when he feels down, it makes him feel better knowing that he had a best friend looking out to for him.

I slump down and take the reins off the conversation as usual, "That dude over there asked for my number." I might as well tell him, he's way too deep in his thoughts. I pointed to the dude, trying to make the dude next to me interact with me. I'm not annoyed, I just want to pull this guy away from whatever he was thinking about, it's making his face weird. Plus, I didn't mind looking at the hunk. He had a good build after all, and(unlike Dix) could pull of his black hair. Extra points to the hunk for having short hair, chef's kiss.

"Are you going to?" Dix asked. He seems bored, so I try to think of any details I remembered so I could make an educated answer. A cute little kid with a pink princess tutu tittered with her family farther down the ocean line and I smile at their simple cuteness. I lay down and look at the clouds. They remind me of the hunk's fluffy hair and I make my answer, " "He gave me his before I could, so I didn't have to," this is one of the few times I really like a guy who is attractive and I'm hoping to build on it. Dix's chair creaks so loudly it interrupts my unconscious smile. The beach seems to silence as I build on my answer, "I mean I would of. He seems really nice, but not like creepy. I don't know." Perfect, a cool reply to down play my hopes. Dix says something that's mumbled but I swear I hear Mary.

"What?" I ask. I think I heard my name...

He stutters, "I-," and stops. He startles me as he abruptly bounds on to the sand and straightens up. Guess it's time to break out some crazy. I slowly accept his hand and get up. I wait, tilting my head subtly. He breathes out and looks like he's about to head butt me so I quickly close my eyes, freaking out and confused. What the...

For a moment, I register that he just kissed me and didn't ask me to do some crazy, fun thing. Wait, what? HUH?! No, he's not. He can't do that. He's my friend. I can't be his girlfriend, I'm comfortable with BFF not BF! Please, say this isn't happening. I open my eyes, oh my gosh- he's smiling. He must be so glad he kissed me. That must have been so hard for him to do that, I'm going to be the bad guy.

Oh karp, I just kicked him in between his legs. My eyes flood with tears, dang it brothers why did you teach me so well! I reached for my mouth and try to cover it with my hands. No, no, no, no, no. Before I know it all my "no-s" fall out and I find myself repeating it over and over again. I pull back from him and he falls down on his knees and I see his shorts get dirty as the sand swamps them. His face is utter pain and I realize I did that. I can't stop crying and my ears are burning as I hear people around us start whisper on the empty beach. Memories of my fake friends laughing at me rise. Then I do something I haven't ever done- get furious at Dix.

Without even realizing it, I break him. "Coward," I whisper and run. I leave him there coughing on the beach, the high tide washing the sand from his shorts and slamming it harshly back. I'm still crying and realizing why I never shared anything with him- he never let me. He never even had a chance when he kissed me, because I know he only sees what I let him see. After all, words are wasted on those who do not listen.

I numbly put my key into my car's ignition and think dazed that I might ask the hunk, Yuri, for help. I sniffle. He has a cute name. I roll out the parking lot and drive to our hotel. I put my head on the steering wheel and cry my heart out.