(A vignette)

“Do you think they see us?”

Emrys turned his head to his friend, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Cassian was laying next to him, peering up at the starry night above.

His perfect face was cast in dim light that highlighted his sharp cheekbones and hooked nose.

Emrys had to stop himself from staring too openly.

“What do you mean?” he forced himself to ask, frowning.

Cassian bit his lip, tilting his head slightly. There was a contemplative look on his face — his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes narrowed just slightly.

“I mean,” he said slowly, “do you think the stars ever see us, too?”

Emrys shook his head, a soft laugh of surprise escaping him. He smiled, a soft thing, and nudged Cassian lightly with his foot.

“I don’t think they’re conscious, Cass.”

Cassian huffed in annoyance, rolling his eyes. He turned his head finally, facing Emrys with his bottom lip poked out in a pout.

“You know what I mean!” he scoffed, a light blush reaching his cheeks.

Emrys just raised an eyebrow, a small smirk on his lips.

“Afraid not, mate.”

Cassian sighed, closing his eyes briefly and letting his head hit the ground.

“It’s just,” he said, in a voice just above a whisper, “I was always told, growing up, that my ancestors were kept on the stars they’d been named after. That they always see me.”

Emrys’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He sat up, looking down at Cassian.

“So…” Emrys began, tilting his head curiously, “basically, your entire bloodline is looking down at us right now?”

Cassian shrugged. Emrys knew he was trying to look nonchalant, but he could see past Cassian’s defenses. He was vulnerable.

“I always thought — you know, when I was a kid — that my ancestors would look down at me one day, the heir to the family throne, and be proud. But now…”

Cassian’s voice broke off, his last sentence fading into the wind.

The crickets around them were loud, filling the silence with their music.

“I’m not like them,” Cassian whispered, in a low tone that almost sounded desperate.

“I’m proud that I’m not like them — they’re monsters. It’s just, whenever I see the stars now, I wonder if I’m being judged, even when my living family isn’t around.”

Emrys’s breath was bated, drawn out when he inhaled. He slowly lowered himself back to the ground, laying next to Cassian again.

His voice was soothing, calm and quiet but filled with an undeniable undercurrent of warmth and sincerity.

“Even if your ancestors hate you, Cassian, I consider that a good thing. You’re right — your entire family contains a bunch of monsters. What do they know about what’s shameful and what’s not? Honestly, I hope they’re cursing our names up there— it’d be more of a compliment than an insult.”

Cassian looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes, pure and trusting—and, holy fuck, how were they so captivating—when they met Emrys’s.

“You really think so?” Cassian asked, in a wobbly, choked voice.

Emrys sucked in a breath, let his eyes flutter closed for a second, then sighed.

“Of course I do, Cassian. Of course I do.”

Suddenly, Emrys felt the familiar warmth and weight of fingers on his hand.

He looked down, wordlessly watching as Cassian intertwined their fingers. The other boy gave Emrys’s hand a small squeeze.

A sudden thought crossed his mind then.

I’m right here, he thought.

You’re worried about your family judging you for who you are, but I’ve only ever loved you for you.

Then, Cassian’s voice brought him out of his mind.

“You’re a good friend, Em. Did you know that?”

Emrys’s eyes flicked back to Cassian’s.

His eyes had always been the most gorgeous ones Emrys had looked into.

The soft greys, the darker swirls of blue. There was a glint in his eyes, one that made them look glossy and bright.

More than anything else, they were heartbreaking.

Because that glint in Cassian’s eyes would never match the one in Emrys’s own.

Emrys’s breath was quick, shallow, and soon enough he was barely breathing at all.

Cassian was still looking at him, and Emrys still didn’t know what to say.

And so he leaned back, closed his eyes, and gave Cassian’s hand a firm squeeze.

“Yeah. You too, Cass.”

The night passed in a blur after that — full of half-hearted jokes, soft smiles, and shared laughter.

But all the while, Emrys could only focus on the love blooming inside his chest, consuming him whole every time Cassian turned that radiant grin on him.

He could only notice the way that Cassian’s eyes had no hint of the same bone-deep ache in his heart.

Cassian’s fingers stayed locked together against Emrys’s, who held onto the other boy’s hand with desperation.

Cassian didn’t love Emrys back.

But that wouldn’t stop his soul from needing Cassian’s grey gaze on him, his boisterous laugh in his ear, and the warmth of his body against Emrys’s own.

It certainly didn’t stop the love that filled Emrys’s entire being, a disease that’s come up too suddenly for it to be helped.

He thought it was strange, as Emrys stared at his best friend.

Cassian was so concerned about being watched from above, that he never looked around himself to see all the other eyes on him.

He was so clearly unaware of Emrys’s internal turmoil.

He had no idea of the raging storm in Emrys’s battered heart, still beating a furious rhythm that only began around the boy beside him.

In a way, it just made Cassian seem all the more unachievable.

Cassian didn’t love him back, but that was okay.

Cassian didn’t think of him as anything more than a friend — but that was okay, too.

It would never be enough for Emrys. Not really. He’d always want more from their relationship, but Cassian’s friendship was more than nothing.

Either way, together or not, Emrys knew he’d follow Cassian even through the dark, fiery pits of Hell, and when they emerged on the other side, it’d be Cassian in Emrys’s arms.

And one day, he would wish it wasn’t.

*And that’s the end!! I hope you guys enjoyed!! I don’t expect a ton of people to ever see this, but to those who do, thanks so much!! You’re all awesome and are so appreciated here <3 :D

So, yeah! That was my first story here on this platform. It really only gets sadder from here, so you probably shouldn’t expect any future fluff from me. Sorry!!! It hurts me too, I swear!! 😔

But alas, the temptation of writing trauma and just very sad love is one that I cannot always win against. I know, I know.

Also, poor Emrys! He’s so in loveee!! He deserves better, honestly ☹️ (yes, I know I wrote him to be all mopey—shhh!!)

Anyway, please be kind! I’m totally open to honest critique, as long as you’re willing to respect me and my writing as a whole—as I will do with you, of course.

So, I’ll let this be the end. One last time, though, just because I think it’s very important to be said: thank you!!!! You are all so, so welcome here—you have no idea!*