Tw: bullet mentioned in first paragraph

Was my soul worth it.. thats what i would ask him if we still talked. It was the most beautiful love story I’ve even been through. He came to me for the first time in my darkest time. We met when i was younger and he came to me as his younger self. First time i met him promising me to help me stop my nightmares now here i sit as an adult wishing for dreams of any kind. He was upset that i left i could tell he would send me fucked up daydreams in the form of souls of people i have met and some of those whom i never knew. Some of them were celebrities i looked up to as a child some i idolized. He would show me why they were not good for me . Making me read there inner thoughts. He showed me the most deepest parts of the human nature he would walk me through some things that people should never have to experience from a third person view point . I would be standing in my kitchen cooking my supper then I would feel it a bullet straight through my temple. That was his way of asking if i was ready to work. But this kind of work was not like your 9 -5 I wasn’t answering phone calls i was using my energy and my mind to shift people’s perspective or help should pass through the realm. And sometimes thats how the conversations opened up. I knew when my friends were getting seizures i would empatheticly get them as well sometimes these were so intense i would get on the ground and cry and wish it would end. How did i get here? Why is this happening to me ?

I knew why though when i a kid i made a deal with the devil or should i say a devil … i refer to him more of a demon. He came in many form and many names. Sometimes he was your traditional demon with promises of weath and fame. Followed by the pressure of the spirit realm needing more the should searching for a last minute chance at life.You see i was a visualizer. I could show them the worlds they loved and missed and they in return would give me answers to questions from their loved ones who were still on my side. It wasn’t all bad and scary Sometimes me and the souls would go on adventures . Some of the best times were with water we would feel the water flow from the creeks between our fingers and toes. Sometimes we would fly on the top of airplanes to feel free and feel the air around us. Sometimes we would stand on the tops of Moutains to view i beauty of the world around us. Then sometimes i would see myself crawling my way out of a big dirt hole in the ground to a fire pit surrounded but people some singing with guitars some having drinks all telling stories some true some not true some scary ghost stories , and I don’t know about you but h=getting to hear a ghost story from a ghost is well pretty epic in my book . Maybe one day ill write the stories we shared if i ever remember them.

The switch from the realm to the natural world would sometimes be total erases I wouldn’t remember anything and sometimes id be left with more questions than answers . But some questions when i would come from those places i would be scared to even think about in my own head.

But then my guy would show up and it would start as a dance i knew this was our way to block up the realm and pass on and silence the trouble that would follow. Sometimes it was a tango. But in more recent times it has started the same more consistent one hand of the opposite side of each other facing each other . Then when would dance slowly eyes never losing contact spinning in a circle . Honestly it felt like a new deal but maybe this was our thing.

It’s been rocky lately he hasn’t been around much and shit has been going bad the visions have been intense and I’ve been getting in spiritual trouble for shit I didn’t even do it. They visions were intense of things going on in politics and things going on in a world that would never be mine =. A world where the rich rule. And some of the things were gruesome people wearing peoples heads people doing unearthly things to one another they were awful and i wasn’t sure how to get out. I knew if i tired to reach out to him for help he would would come in and save the day but at what cost because when he comes in he takes over my body as a full pocession and as he’s fixing things in the realm he reads the things i do in my daily life and uses it against me. Clearly he know I’m independent and think in ways that i wont fall for his shit even if he is a demon I have natural rights .

Clearly I’m upset with him thats why i cant even talk about the time we were in love.. maybe one day ill get to that story but in order for us to get back there things must change.. they have to my life is hanging by a thread and I’ve made so much progress I’m hitting goals at work I’m making friends i have a consistent routine. So why is this area of my life so messed up . ….

One day our love will be balanced and all will feel right again until that day our love story must remain silently in the background as protection.