In the eyes of the beast, I saw much hate,

Saliva was gliding along its teeth in hunger.

It walked my way, and I knew immediately,

It had decided for me, sealed was my fate.

It brought me back to when I was younger,

Drowning in bath water with nothing but rubber toys to keep me afloat.

No one heard my plea then.

No one will hear my screams now.

The birds flew away right over my head.

I wished I was a crow in that moment.

I wanted to flee too, if only I had wings instead of arms,

if only I wasn’t stuck.

I felt its foul breath on my face,

The warmth and heaviness of its body crushed my ribcage.

I thought to fight back, but figured it was useless, that it would only make it last longer and be more painful.

So I looked up to the sky, and let my mind drift away.

I wished I was someplace else,

In my bed, just a shape under the heavy blankets.

I wished I could look at my reflection in the mirror one last time, to say goodbye,

As soon I would be faceless.

Neither my mom, nor god, nor my sister, nor even myself would be able to recognize me.

They’ll never find me anyway.

***

You asked me the man or the bear,

I’ll say one dragged me off trail,

The other was fishing by the lake.

I’ll say one hid my body between rocks,

The other found me.

You asked me the man or the bear,

I’ll say one crushed my throat so I couldn’t yell,

The other was just walking around.

I’ll say one turned my skin into carmine play-doh,

The other came growling.

I’ll say one painted itself in my blood so he could come. The other ripped the muscles from my bones.

With his arms, the man strangled the life out of me.

He inhaled all the air in my body until I choked,

Reveling in the purple of my neck.

When the bear picked me up,

It felt like he was cradling me.

When he fed on my flesh I was relieved,

That meant I was at least safe from the ones that desacralize even the dead.

***

You ask me the man or the bear,

I choose the bear.

I’ll say that he was starved,

The man was not.

You ask me the man or the bear,

I choose the bear,

For it doesn’t know evil,

Only how to be bear.

You ask me the man or the bear,

I choose the bear,

Because the man knows better,

Yet still chose evil.

You ask me the man or the bear,

In truth, I can’t pick either,

I’m dead.

***

When men discovered evil, they invented worse.

When is a beast not a man?

When is a man not a beast?

Draw me a monster,

Why is it a monster?

The monster you drew,

Why is it a man?

A wild beast shall always be the better choice; its fangs forever softer than a man’s hand.

_“The worst thing the bear could do to me, is kill me.”_

_“I wouldn’t have to see the bear at family gatherings.”_

_“If I got attacked by a bear, people would believe me.”_

_“If I don’t trouble the bear, the bear probably won’t trouble me either.”_

_“If a bear attacks me, nobody will ask what I was wearing.”_

_“The bear doesn’t understand the word “no”, the man does. He just chooses to ignore it.”_

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**“Junko Furuta.”**__

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_“Bears wouldn’t take turn holding me down to make sure everybody finished.”_