I crave the attention that my mother never gave me just like I crave that last bite of food before my calorie intake has been met I’m constantly craving but I’m never achieving I’m constantly hoping for love and not the kind that is shown from words but is shown from actions the kind of love that you get from knowing me not feeling me not me showing them how to love me but actually caring about me and my mental health not my bra size not lying and saying that they love me when all they loved was how I made them feel trying to heal __ _trying to heal _ _trying to heal _ but I still crave it I crave what has been lost by drugs and cutting myself it was all not once better for me but I’ve never really thought about myself always prioritizing others people pleasing maybe if I make other people happy I will be happy but i am not people and that never happened left alone in a sad empty bed where I rest my head and drown in my pillow but how can I sleep with the lies and the cheating and the goals I haven’t been achieving? I don’t even recognize myself when I look in the mirror all I see is ugly but I know that’s not true people call me pretty but I am not people I’ve never thought highly of myself always striving for more yet I can never accomplish it my lack of motivation ruins my life yet I am not willing to work on it I am not ready to get better I am ready avoid my problems the easy way out the weak man’s medicine shoved into my mouth