Every morning since Jenna went missing my eyes are glued to the news. Hoping today will be the day they find her or at least a sign that she is out there. Everyday the coverage is the same, they talk about her backstory they say she lit up the room, testimonies from other kids at school who pretend that they knew her. I was her only real friend. Her and I had been attached at the hip since we were 4. For the last 12 years we have done everything together, except that stupid party that I refused to go to and made her go to all alone. That stupid party that she never came back from.

Detective Jameson is on her case and he has talked to her family about a new theory he has been working on. He of course has no evidence, no real lead, just a gut feeling but hey, that’s better than nothing. Jennas mom always keeps me informed with new case developments. Mrs.Blake called me this morning while I was stuck in front of the TV to give me the scoop on Detective Jameson’s Theory. “Rach, Detective Jameson came over this morning and said he wants to start looking for Jenna in the Resevoir. He tried to get the go ahead from his boss to start the search but they resevoir is too frozen to search right now. It would put the police at risk.” Risk… is that not their job? Did they not join the force because they like being at risk? “Rach, I know you and I don’t want you doing anything stupid. Please let the professionals handle this and we will keep praying for her safe return home.”

Jenna and I have always been so close, like twins who were separated at birth and then reunited. I can feel her, but right now I have a sick feeling that she will not be coming home. This pit in my stomach tells me something bad has happened to her and it is too late.

I throw my breakfast in the trash after only being able to stomach a bite or two.

I am fully aware how Lucky peak lake is this time of year. That resevoir is the closest thing we have to a beach, I have been going there my whole life.

I know the Lake is dangerous this time of year but if I don’t go and look for her who will? That feeling in my chest that she is gone has not left me but I choose to ignore it. I finish lacing up my thick winter boots and throw my heavy coat on and I head out the door with one goal. I will find her. I need that closure, I can’t just wait for the cops to decide to do their jobs.

heavy fog fills the air, it feels like negative 20 degrees. I feel like I am making a mistake the second I place my right foot onto the ice but I shake off the fear and I manage to take a second step. I know Jenna would do this for me, she was the brave one. “She IS the brave one” I correct myself out loud. I can’t let myself believe that she is gone because then I would be putting my own life in danger for no good reason.

I am taking slow steady steps making my way across the lake, one foot after the other. About 5 feet in from the bank my worries ease. This isn’t so bad. The ice is thick and I am starting to feel safe. My left foot slips out from under me and I fall on my butt making the tiniest crack in the ice. Even though my heart is pounding and it would be easier to turn around and go home and let the police handle this, I get up off my ass and continue my search. The fog is lifting and the cold harsh wind hits my face like razor blades. It’s been probably near an hour of me walking and I turn around to face the bank I came from and I can barely see it.

I am nearing the middle of the water and the ice seems to be getting thinner and thinner.

Suddenly I see something under the ice. Barely but its there. A hint of pink. I can’t help but to think back to the outfit Jenna was wearing the night of the party. She sent me a selfie wearing her designer pea coat and her favorite baby pink beanie my mother had knitted her for her 16th birthday. I don’t even think twice before I start vigorously stomping on the ice trying to break it open. I stomp hard about 5 time before it cracks. I feel the ice open beneath me. Before I know what’s happening freezing cold water engulfs me. I am frantically flailing around trying to get my head above the water but it is so dark and so cold. I can’t even find the hole I fell in from I reach my hands above my head to feel for an opening, but its just and endless sea of ice. My body is getting tired. As I start to run out of breath I force my mind to calm and my body follows the lead. I open my eyes to take in my surroundings and there she is.

Pink hat with blonde braids flowing out. Her beautiful coat still buttoned to the collar.

The realization sinks in. She’s not alive. I can’t save her, and no one is out here to save me.

I grab her cold hand and hold it letting the water fill my lungs. I will rest her with her until the cops find us both. Headlines will read “two teens found holding hands in the frozen resevoir” at the very least, we will never be forgotten.