I open my eyes, wholly unsurprised at the tree in front of me. I’d been preparing for this for the past couple of days.

I crane my neck up, trying to see where Daniel is. I can just barely see his feet dangling off a thick branch about three quarters of the way up. I set my jaw, roll up my sleeves, and begin my ascent.

It takes about a minute, maybe two, and then I’m settling beside Daniel, staring out at the field in front of me so I don’t have to look at him.

We sit in silence for a while before he breaks the silence. “Did you do anything for your birthday?”

I almost laugh. “You know I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

This time I do laugh. “Seriously man? We have this conversation every year.”

Daniel lets out a huff of air. “Humor me.”

I decide to bite the bullet and finally just look at him.

He looks the same as he always does, curly hair dirty with leaves and dried blood in a couple spots. His clothes and face are smudged with dirt and his hands are in his lap and I don’t have to look to know that they’re at unnatural angles.

I meet his eyes, the same eyes I see in the mirror and say, “It hasn’t been my birthday in a long time.”

He just gives me a smile and laughs as though I just said something funny. “Sure it has,” he says. “In fact, just today it was.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” I snap.

He sobers up, actually managing to look apologetic.

“You know,” he begins, “just because today was my death date doesn’t mean you can’t still celebrate.”

I choke on a laugh that feels more like sob. “Why would I want to?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” He says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “You’re 16 now Jake. You’ll be driving soon, you could get a tattoo if mom agrees, the world is your oyster man.”

“I don’t have the right.”

My brother looks at me with sad eyes. “Jake…”

I look away from him, trying to subtly wipe away the moisture in my eyes. “You never got to get your license. You never left the country, you never went to college, you didn’t even get to go to prom. What gives me the right to any of that when I stole those very same things from you?”

I make eye contact with him again. He has a small frown on his face and I immediately wish for his warm smile though I know I don’t deserve to see it.

“Why do I get to live and you don’t?”

I look away when I hear Daniel take a deep, shocked breath.

For a moment it was just silence before Daniel released said breath and spoke again, sounding serious.

“You need to forgive yourself Jake.”

I scoff but he continues.

“It wasn’t your fault, you were 12.”

“So?” I exclaim. “That doesn’t change the fact that if I had never been born you would still be here.”

“You can’t think like that Jake.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you to.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my baby brother, Jakey.” He nudges my shoulder with his own. “All I ever wanted for you was happiness. I don’t want you to not live your life on my account. I want you to go out there and experience all the things I never got to.”

I break my staring contest with the horizon to look him in his eyes and I feel myself gasp with silent shock at the grin at his face. His eyes soften as they meet mine.

“Don’t die for me Jake.”

He leans close and kisses my forehead and I feel a sob breaking through my throat.

“Live for me.”

The last thing I hear him say before I wake up is “Happy Birthday little brother.”