Today, the sun rose just like it always does. That’s the strange thing… how normal everything looks when your world is quietly unraveling. My tea still tastes like mint, the neighbor’s dog still barks too much, and the light still catches the corner of my room in that golden hue.

But, I know what the scans said. And I know what the doctor meant when her voice got soft and careful, like she was ha...

The more days I waste away in hospital, it seems worse news come to me, and so I’ve lost faith in the waiting game for a good outcome. To know that the phrase people use for comfort; it gets better- to know that everything simply crumbles into a tumultuous rockfall for me from now until my death has already thrown me into a deep and unforgiving pit.

I know that, once you begin experiencing the...

Oh, little rose,  today you appear so evidently sorrowful.  The lack of life and your petals that droop low make me feel lonely at the sight.  You are present for decoration and that only.  Once you begin to appear ugly, you are discarded.  Don’t be sad, little rose, as for I was once sad, too.  My troubled eyes searched for someone to hold, and my cries needed a shoulder.  You try to escape, but...

DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU ARE ME (or Jules)

March 2

Okay. So. Diary? Journal? Death-log? Realisticly, death log. So my mom doesnt cry? Journal.

Dr. Park says “writing can help process what you’re feeling.” What if I don’t want to process anything? What if I’d rather throw a pudding cup at the wall and scream into a pillow until the nurses threaten to sedate me again?

(That only happened once.)

B...

**_April 19th, 1993

_** Dear Diary, today we had a play go on in our auditorium. The mice danced around people in a circle, like a marching band. I can only remember the people as distorted, and blurry. The all looked normal, until you saw their maybe happy face. It looked like they smiled, but I couldn’t see it. The sound was like click-clack, and the people were laughing I think. The only th...

22nd December

“ Ooh, my child! I’ll give them all I’ve got from now on….you’re home, home by Christmas…..” Stupid words that I’ll never hear, these aren’t my mother’s words.

    They have never paid for children like me.
   
       I wasn’t alone today.

Today I saw another patient. He was of the same age as me. He was lost, desperately trying not to break down.

He ...

PENNY

Day 1

Thomas Meers Is still in my mind And my ear is still in shambles

My parents have put me in a cage A white, white cage. They say it’s for my own good.

No, no Not for my own good For theirs

The sane think We are bad That we are a stain on life

But no, They don’t know They don’t know

Day 7

The sane feed me Through a little hatch On the door

Everything is white They ...

October 8th, 2007.

Respiratory Rate: 25 Heart Rate: 103

^ignore that

Note to self: green is your color

My nurse brought me a new movie to watch. I still use that portable DVD player he got me for Christmas. I think I wrote about that already, I don’t know. Anyway, the movie is O Brother, Where Art Thou?

I’m sure Jeremy will read this when I’m gone. Hi Jeremy, I love you terribly. Don’t chec...

Dear Diary,

Sun snuck through the blinds this morning, painting stripes on my bedspread like always. Except, usual mornings meant racing downstairs for breakfast with enough time to catch the bus with trinity. Now, the quiet sunshine just makes the hollowness of the day feel bigger.

School. I miss it, the sound of chattering friends and the smell of old text books. Honestly, I even miss the disg...

Today is my last day. I’m writing this to my family. Thank you all. I will miss you. You were my pride and joy. I love you all. So much… I’m surprisingly calm about this. Today is my last day to live. Which also means the pain is over. The pain. The pain. The pain. The pain. It will all be over. I’m praying that ghosts are real. Or the afterlife. Anything. Praying on anything. I hope I’m not jus...